Kaylynn Johnsen
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Traveling, to go or not to go?

4/14/2020

28 Comments

 
​Autism from a mama who has been there. I am going to try to post every day this month. Please feel free to ask questions in the comments.

Traveling, to go or not to go?

We traveled a lot in the military. We moved, we vacationed, we explored, and when our son was little, it was easy. Then it got harder. And harder.

At some point, you have to consider leaving your autistic child at home. It happens, you aren’t cruel. This is loving, the hard way.

He was not our only child; we had many variables to consider. Deprive our other children of all opportunities just to save a public meltdown? Deprive him of experience? We had to start reviewing each adventure, vacation, field trip, play, or outing on a day-to-day basis.

Camping, our son was good with camping, but could NOT be left alone. Not even for a minute. Museums, one on one! Your autistic child will need your undivided attention, make sure another adult will be responsible for the other siblings. Our son loved plays and movies, but hated concerts. If we were going to a loud, crowded event? Get a sitter.

And this can change by the day, by the hour. One of our family mottos is Semper Gumby, always flexible. It started as a military family joke but ended up being an autistic family lifesaver. Be prepared to drop everything at a moment’s notice.

In the end, you try to do what is best for each member of your family. And remember that you are a team. Everyone cheers for each other! Supports each other, and “celebrates the small stuff.”

Celebrate the small stuff. Be flexible. Laugh.
28 Comments
Helena link
4/15/2020 05:10:54 pm

Love the motto -- Sempre gumby. Always flexible. I really have to implement that in my life because I have control freak tendencies. Thanks for this post. It's very eye-opening and definitely makes me more aware of the (often invisible) challenges that people face.

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Kaylynn Johnsen
4/16/2020 09:42:54 am

My husband just pointed out that I spelled sempre (semper) wrong. I will quote Shawn Spencer from Psych, "I've heard it both way." Being wrong or, maybe, right isn't always the most important thing. It's his turn to be flexible and laugh.

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Kaitlyn Sanchez link
4/15/2020 08:10:17 pm

I lobe Gumby motto, that applies to all kids/families for sure and love the visual

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Kaylynn Johnsen
4/16/2020 09:47:14 am

My dad had a problem with flexibility. My son was a real challenge for him. The kids spotted a Gumby and a Pokey on a trip to the dollar store. They insisted we buy them for Grandpa so he could always remember. My dad had them in his truck when on the road and then in his office when he started his psychology practice.

Soft, warm memories. Like fresh out of the oven chocolate chip cookies.

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Talitha
4/15/2020 08:13:07 pm

Be Gumby! I think this is great advice for any parent. Thanks for the reminder!

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Kaylynn Johnsen
4/16/2020 09:48:22 am

I am still working on my back-bend. :)

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Helen Wu
4/15/2020 08:38:14 pm

Thank you for sharing your experience and great advice!

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Kaylynn Johnsen
4/16/2020 09:49:33 am

That's why we have experiences to share what we've learned. Life is all about learning.

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Vivian Kirkfield link
4/15/2020 08:49:22 pm

LOVE the Gumby motto...all parents need to embrace that, I think. And I love that you want each child to get the richest experience they can. When our kids were growing up, my husband took each child on a special trip before high school...the boys each got to go fly fishing in Wyoming or Montana and he took our daughter to Disneyworld (sorry for the gender bias vacations...this was the 80's and she was kind of a girly-girl). And I would always try to spend a special afternoon on the weekend with one or another of them.

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Kaylynn Johnsen
4/16/2020 09:57:19 am

No apologies necessary. It sounds like it was the perfect vacation for each child. Recognizing each one's individual interests and needs is how we make life the best it can be for all of our children. Sounds like you guys did a great job with that.

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Debbie Potter
4/15/2020 09:37:29 pm

So much of parenting is “loving, the hard way”. I love this thought and appreciate your perspective.

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Kaylynn Johnsen
4/16/2020 09:59:39 am

Thank you, Debbie. I am happy that you found something helpful. Pedis, for sure when I come up to Utah. We need to catch up.

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Hailey Dehlin
4/15/2020 09:43:55 pm

Just like everyone else on here i LOVE Gumby motto

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Kaylynn Johnsen
4/16/2020 10:01:32 am

It is a good reminder every day that I have very little control. Love life, make good choices, and laugh that's all I can do.

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Marla Hull
4/15/2020 10:30:14 pm

I love the thoughts on being flexible. This is a skill we all need to be successful at in order to navigate the challenges life throws at us. An example of this characteristic is important when developing the skill.

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Kaylynn Johnsen
4/16/2020 10:03:16 am

The trees in the wind grow the strongest roots and survive the storm. I keep reminding myself, "This too shall pass."

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Patricia A Gardner
4/16/2020 09:19:07 am

Flexibility is key, even with non autistic children. Question: was the problem over stimulation?

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Kaylynn Johnsen
4/16/2020 10:05:02 am

Yes, that would be the case. Too much of one thing (noise) or too much of everything (people, exhibits, animals) can be overwhelming. Modern remediation tools are helpful but may not always work in each situation.

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Shelly
4/16/2020 11:20:38 am

I like your tag line at the bottom. It’s so important to be able to go with the flow.

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Kaylynn Johnsen
4/17/2020 04:33:54 pm

Thank you, I try to repeat it multiple times a day, even now that my kids are grown.

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Sandra
4/16/2020 01:50:05 pm

Always Flexible - what a wonderful takeaway. Your experience and ideas are valuable for all. Thanks!

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Kaylynn Johnsen
4/17/2020 04:35:05 pm

That is the goal, yoga really helps! Thank you for reading and responding. I am glad you were able to find some value in the post.

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Keri Fawcett
4/16/2020 06:11:40 pm

Love your positive and happy approach to parenting your special needs child while still recognizing the needs of your other children. Love the Gumby analogy!

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Kaylynn Johnsen
4/17/2020 04:42:16 pm

Our goal as parents is success for each of our children. And that is going to look different for each. Thank you.

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Cecilia
4/16/2020 10:21:50 pm

Love that you are so brave to share how you managed all of this. Hugs.

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Kaylynn Johnsen
4/17/2020 04:43:09 pm

Thank you. It is amazing what you can do when you are in the middle of it. Love carries a lot of the weight.

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Nicole
4/17/2020 01:32:53 pm

Always flexible!! Love it and it applies to so many situations with kids. I love that your child didn’t just get left behind, just experienced things different ways that we’re right for him!

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Kaylynn Johnsen
4/17/2020 04:41:13 pm

Thank you. We all want is best for each child and sometimes that takes a bit of extra preparation and out of the box thinking.

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    Kaylynn Johnsen

    Just a Grandma with many stories to tell.

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